Let me first start off by saying I don’t think 27 is old. I am still young in every sense of the word, with a lot of life to live. And the older I get the more I learn that age means absolutely nothing and it’s our experiences that really tell us apart from one another.
Most of my friends are married with kids, and if not they are married and trying to have kids, and if not that they are engaged planning their extravagant wedding. I am the exception of my friend group, and for the longest time this caused me to have anxiety and self-doubt. I thought I was doing things wrong. That is until I moved away to Denver to start a life on my own.
Denver gave me exactly what I needed when I needed it. I found people who were (gasp) single, and pursueing their career and not giving a shit about social standards. I was infatuated with my life there, and all of the wonderful people and experiences it was giving me. I finally felt okay with being the exception.
Fast forward 4 years, I am now 27 and starting over once again. I packed my car, grabbed my 2 cats and moved to Seattle to start a new adventure. Most people didn’t understand the motive. I had a great job, trendy little apartment in the city, amazing friends. Why leave it all behind?
I still don’t know the answer to this question.
What I do know is I have never been one of those people that has a clear path. For the longest time I tried to be… I worked really hard to be one of those people with a true calling, a set plan, a clear vision of my future. I thought this defined success and I kept failing at it over and over again. I became obsessed with figuring out “my path” but the more energy I put into figuring it out the more exhausted I became, the more insecure I became, and the less I felt like myself.
I called a mentor of mine about this one day. I just word vomited everything I felt all over her. Every insecurity, every doubt. She sat in silence for a moment and then sort of laughed. I had no idea what she was thinking. She finally said, “Krista, you were not mean’t for one straight path. You never will be. You need to be okay with your chaotic, vibrant, dancing energy. You have something most people wish they had - a fearlessness to dive into the unknown”
This wasn’t the first time someone had told me this, but it was the first time I actually heard it. I am the only one doing the judging. I am the only one holding myself back. I am my harshest critic.
So now here I am, 27 in a new city with no job, no place to call my own, very few belongings and the whole fucking world in front of me. I may not know why I decided to start over again, but I do know one thing… I will be okay. I will always be okay. I will dive into the unknown over and over again, starting on one path, ending up on another only to do a U-turn and take a detour. I may not have a clear vision of what is my future, but every day I have a clearer vision of who I am, and to me that is the only thing that matters.